SOME COMMENTS NOW IN HOT OFF THE PRESSES REGARDING THE 2008 'FLATLAKES'.

' i THOUGHT IT WAS GOOD ALL RIGHT BUT NOT AS GOOD AS LAST YEAR.'

'Where was Eamon The Ewe?For me he was the highlight of last year's Flatlakes.All in all now it was a pity.I think Kevin slipped up there.Sheep were a big hit at the first festival but then that's what always happens when a festival gets big and Flatlakes is no different.O and it was a pity about teh rain.Me and my wife got pished on.But I'd still say I'd come again.No-yes.I would.It was a good day out for me and the family.But if there could be more 'dada'-type experimentation under trees with buckets on heads I would think it more worthwhile.Or even Val Doonican smoking a pipe.Or was that Sir Anthony Wedgwood Benn?Was he there?I didn't see him.Another good one would be a film star milking cows in a byre.Say like Jon Voight's daughter what do you call her?And the cow going 'moo!' I think it would be gas.Well done Flatlakes!'

'For me it was a bags.No way as good as last year.Security men wearing milking coats is not funny.Its just stupidI'm not coming next year.Thumbs down.'

'Nearly as good as last year.But I wouldn't say it was a bags.O no.'

Mrs Joe Orton of Islington,London.'

What a tsunami!Jesus o gawney!I was drenched!

Tom Nabs.

What have they done with all the money?I heard there was talk of a mysterious extension up at Hilton.

Pudsy Gaw,'The Detective.'

I would say:what's the use of pretending you're at the seaside when you're palpably not.Although I have to say when the deluge came me and my wife were prepared to suspend disbelief.I wonder did they arrange the tsunami specially?If they did it was a might old 'scam.' Well done,lads.Roll on Flatlakes 3.Its really good fun we think in our house.'

The Mc Tucks.

 

 

 Note from The Captain

 

 Whoever it is that's putting in things about tsunamis and saying its going to pish at the festival would you ever please stop it.This type of attitude is not helping anyone.All it is doing is creating bad feeling.And spoiling it unnecessarily for everyone else.If it stops now we will forget it.But if it persists-then I'll come around and shoot you in the face.I'm not kidding.The Captian means business on this one.Flatlake is about fun-not telling childish lies.So come on Flatlakers-let's have fun.Roll on the seaside on Aug 23!With a big sun shining and yes o yes with its hat on too!

 

 

 

 

 

 TSUNAMI AT FLATLAKE NOW INEVITABLE!I HAVE IT ON RELIABLE AUTHORITY THAT ALL TENTS PERFORMERS AND INNOCENT BROSWERS ARE GOING TO BE DELUGED BY TONS OF REMORSELESS RELENTLESS RAIN WHICH MAY EVEN BE SUCCEEDED BY A HUGE FIRE IN THE BUTTY BARN.I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!IS THERE NO MERCY?WHY THIS ALMOST MEDIEVAL CRUELTY OF THE ELEMENTS?ALREADY IT HAS TAKEN ITS TOLL.VAL DOONICAN HAS CALLED AND SAID HE IS NOT COMING.AND HERE-BE STILL MY SOBBING HEART-ARE THE WORDS OF PUMPY MC TURK,WHO HAD 'SWORN' HE WOULD READ HIS DADA-ESQUE SEQUENCE 'MARSHMALLOW MASSEY' BUT NOW HAS COLD-HEARTEDLY DISDAINED ALL INVOLVEMENT.NOW WE KNOW HOW HEMMINGWAY FELT AND ALL THOSE OTHERE ONES THAT SHOTTED THEIRSELVES AFTER BEING 'PUT MENTAL' BY ART.I'M GOING TO GO TO BINGO TONIGHT,OR 'PONGO' AS IT USED TO BE CALLED.BYE.

 

 

                                !!!!!            FLATLAKE FESTIVAL DISASTER PREDICTED BY NO LESS THAN THREE PEOPLE 'UP THE TOWN!'

 

NOT LOOKING GOOD ON THE WEATHER FRONT!FLATLAKE DOOMED TO FAILURE.

It is terrible to have to write this but wasn't i only up the town there this morning and who did I meet only a total of three people who assured me that without a doubt,beyond all shadow of the same,that the 'wasn't it great last year?' Flatlake Festival is now condemned to ignominious failure due to the likelihood of inclement weather.The tears are splashing down onto the page as I pen these words.Especially when I think of all the hard work Kevin Alen and his elves have put into it so far.By all accounts,thewoman in the rainhood('you can't be too careful,she told me)August statistically is the worst month of the year for rainfall.Would it not be better to have had it in february she wondered when 'Bosco' is not on the television,distracting all the kiddies.Still,I suppose you have to soldier on,she said gamely,and that is precisely what we intend to do.Even though the two other chaps that I met were convinced I was a 'madman.' Woudl it not be better,they suggested,to have it on top of the 'wee round tower' in the old abbey graveyard?At least that way,the offered,it would be 'in the town.'

It was a good idea,I tild them,but then there would be no place for Val donican to land his helicopter.O by the way there's a good beatnik poem I read the other day-'gates,especailly five bar ones.'

That will look good on the Exploding pLASTIC iNEVITABLE tURNIP brochure when it eventually comes out.

That's what they're calling the festival in the papers-The Exploding Plastic Inevitable Turnip.

Its a good one.But I prefer The Unlikely Onions Over By The Gap,as sung for your pleasure by Eamon The Ewe.

 

More Butty Festival News On The Way-latest festival acquisition-The Lee Harvey Oswald Junior Tin Whistle Band.Who will be showcasing their summer hit 'Poor jack Ruby',now a hit on Scorched Thistle Records.

 

 

 

VAL DOONICAN NEWS

 

 

Bad tidings,I'm afraid,on the Val Doonican front.I have just been on to his manager who has told me that Val will be playing draughts this coming August 23 and 24 and consequently will not be available to sing either 'Walk Tall' or 'The Mysterious Box' for all you Flatlaker fans who might have been looking forward to such an event.But there is no call for despair for just this second I have received a call from Miki out of Miki and Griff(eager popsters may remember their top ten hit 'Two Little Orphans' from,I think,1958 or 1959,who has kindly agreed to take his place,The only drawback might be that they have informed me that in more recent times they have,in their own phrase 'gone heavy' and will not be doing any of their old numbers.Instead fans will be treated to their versions of AC DC and Grand Funk Railroad-style tunes.As a mark of their affec tions for The Flatlake festival they have agreed to record a special version of 'Charity Bubbles' which will be pressed and in your shops soon on a special minted blue suede disc.So that's good!Roll on Flatlake and the fabulous heavy metallers of the 1950's reinvented.Another possibility is Ronnie Hilton performing his version of 'Jessica' by The Allman Brothers.Except that he's dead.

 

 

 

 

 

                                                           CHRIS MORRIS-ON-SEA

HI THERE!THIS IS JUST A SHORT NOTE FROM THE REDOUBTABLE CAPTAIN BUTTY TO ACQUAINT FLATLAKERS OF THE INTELLIGNECE THAT THIS YEAR'S FESTIVAL WILL BE HELD AT THE SEASIDE.BUT HOLD!NO THERE IS NO NEED TO START WORRYING ABOUT WHERE WILL WE GET SAND AND ALL THAT-FOR KEVIN AND I ARE OFF THIS VERY MINUTE.YES,TO GET SOME SEA!WHICH WE HOPE TO HAVE BACK AT HILTON BY TOMORROW.SO REMEMBER FLATLAKERS-THIS YEAR'S THEME IS SEA AND BEATNIKS,YES GET OUT YOUR CHELSEA BOOTS AND SOME SPADES FOR IT'S ALL GO AT HILTON THIS YEAR.AS THE OLD SONG GOES:I DO LIKE TO BE BESIDE THE SEASIDE.ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE'S NONE THERE!ISN'T IT A GOOD ONE?
GET YOUR FLATLAKE ROCK AT THE SHOP-O YES AND LUCKY BAGS FOR BOYS AND GIRLS.
PROCEEDS GO TO CAPTAIN 'EMBZZLER' BUTTY AND KEVIN.AND SOME TO 'THE WEATHERMAN' SO HECAN SEE WHAT HE CAN DO.O I DON'T KNOW NOW WOULD I BE GOING THERE NOW I'D ONLY BE ARAID IT MIGHT START TO RAIN.PSAHW AND TOSH!GET OUT THE RAIN GEAR AND GET DOWN TO THE SEASIDE.ITS ONLY TWO MILES FROM CLONES THIS YEAR.DON'T ASK ME HOW BUT WE DID IT AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.LATEST ADDITION TO THE FESTIVAL-JONATHAN SWIFT.NO BUT IT'S ONLY SOMEONE WHO IS ALMOST AS GOOD.THE ONE AND ONLY CHRIS MORRIS ,SATIRIST AND MAN OF LETTERS.I'LL TELL YOU THIS-I'M STAYING OUT OF HIS WAY FOR HE'D ONLY LOOK MAKE YOU LOOK STUPID ON THE TELLY.AT LEAST ON THE WIRELESS YOU'ER ALWAYS YOURSELF.GOOD MAN CHRIS MORRIS-LATEST ADDITION TO THE FABULOUS 'FLATLAKE-ON-SEA' EXTRAVAGANZA,MONAGHAN.

 

 

 

CLINT EASTWOOD There is nothing secured as yet but on foot of protracted negotiations-The Captain first met 'Punk' Eastwood at the Sligo Yeats Society diner where he was giving a talk on WB(See verses quoted in the film about boxing)and over a number of bottles of wine didn't it emerge(his mother was connected with the Lavelles of Mayo)that he had a lifelong interest in Gaelic Football.It was a long shot but The Captain asked him would he be interested in making a guest appearance at Flatlake to which he replied not only that but he would bring his young fellow Tom with him and would consider joining thr local GAA club Currin Sons Of st Patrick for a bit of a kickabout at hilton.Now its not 'firmed up' as they say in entertaiment legal circles but things our end are looking good.So,fingers crosssed,we'll have a few penalties under the floodlights come august with 'The Man With No Name.' Except that he has now-a name that is,and it is 'Scothouse Full Back Cowbiy If The Year.' Good man Clint.O and good man WB yeats as well.

 

 THE BITTER GRIEVANCE OF MADGE BUTTY(Mrs)

I KNOW this sounds like a Brian Moore novel-but it isn't.Its The Captain's mother(or as he calls her 'Auld Hot Flush Face')complaining about his devotio to his mixing desk again.'If I catch you at that wireless one more time',she chides,'I'll kick your backside into your neck.'

O dear.Where is the ghost of Brian Moore wohen you need him.Coming soon-The Bockedy Arse Of Gimpy Mc Goo.

 

 

SEAMUS HEANEY FOR GOD'S SAKE!

 

There are times when I can scarcely believe it myself-but not only that,Edna O Brien as well.Jesus Mary and Joseph.Did youse all hear about the souvenir shop at Flatlake this year?You can get windmils and spades and all there.But you can;t get tickets for the poets and all there.Not that I care because Kevin gave me a ticket-I know hi you see.What a lineup.I mean the only way you could top that would be if you were to tip across to Zurich and dig up the author of Ulysses with your Flatlake spade.Which in these days of increased airport security wimply woldn't be feasible,and anyway he'd only fill The Butty Barn up with maggots.Solets forget that.Roll on The Flatlake and its cast of thousands!

The Captain is back

 

10/04/2008 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

 

FANTASTIC!It's getting close to the big day-have you got your ticket booked yet?I for one have,and I know Kevin!So come on now,get on your tricycle and out with your mobile phone.O and boy the way you had better get yourself a pair of Chelsea boots for the flatlake theme this year is Ulster beatnik 1962.And if you have a |London routemaster bus coloured red with Cliff Richard's face on the side you are welcome to drive that up the avenue too.Good on you,potential punters,it's all go here on the Radio Butty website as we gear up for the fab Flatlake Festival 2008 where pomes and pints and hapes of folksongs about herrings and henry,john propose to be 'all the go' as the used to say in the 'real gone' Ulster sixties.Sorry,got to go,there's a kooky cat at my window,waving at me in green go go boots.Talk soon,the Captain.

Jaba Java

20/10/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

You hear a lot of talk these days about 'this film' and 'that film' and all the rest of it.'It really moved me' is another thing you're likely to be privy to,that is if you happen to be in cafes where they sell stupid coffee that's not coffee at all,at least not served in a big mug with blue stripes on it which is the way The Capt. likes it.But of course these comments are only applied to films with writing on them that come from Italy or France or maybe even thes days Romania or someplace.But how many of us have ever heard them used in a discussion about the works of Robin Askwith?Not many,I'll bet.O yes,it's ok for La Derniere Anne a Marienbad or Belle De Jour or Les Sexees De Fookie or some of that carry on but Robin-no.Not a word about Confessions Of A Window Cleaner,Pop Performer or Cabby.Not a dicky.The Captain means to change all this.Observe this space closely for the Robin Askwith Film Festival,coming soon.Followed by a tribute to Barry Evans,of Adventures Of A Plumber's mate,sadly now deceased.

'It really moved me',Tom Nab of The Farmers' Journal on 'The Ups and Downs Of A Handyman.'(1975)

Butty Annuals

20/10/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

Hello there,pop pickers-The Captain here.Just an update to let youse all know that serious moves are afoot to compile the first BUTTY ANNUAL,the magnificent 'pitch' for which has just been written by Johnny 'Crazy Boy' Ferguson and includes pre-annual tasters such as The Mc Conkeys,a twenty second daily soap opera about an ordinary Irish family from space,The Guns Of Toberlone,a filmscript by Niall 'Death By Guitar' Toner and 'My School-Memories Of St  Munchen's' by Phibbs Mc Gook.What a book this is going to be!Or should I say-buke!Butty TV coming soon and Butty Hollywood,maybe-but we wouldn't mind.Shooting,bridges blew up,commandoes,mad accents,o and if we can get it,camels being kicked in the arse for no reason.Your Friend,The Captain.Stay tuned and don't forget-The Butty Annual is being compiled as we speak!Warren Oates and Ulysses by James Joyce all in the oe buke:as me auld granny used to say before she choked on her tay:where would you layve it,don't ask me!His Buttkins is now signing off,my friends.

The First Manifesto Of Cocktail Nation thus states:that the citizens of Cocktail Nation do hereby declare our independence from the dessicated horde of mummified uniformity.We pledge,they say,to revolt against the void of dictated sobriety and to cultivate not riches but richness,swankness,suaveness and strangeness,with pleasure and boldness for all. Thats what the citizens and The Captain says this:he heartily agrees.The only difference being that where they swirl their martinis against a swooping backdrop of bluelit stars in a club where midnight and noon are eternally the same,he and his butties are sitting around a fire,drinking big mugs of tay and chomping batch bread that has been nicely toasted,singing ballads and playing cards.As well as discussing proust and wondering who's better,Emily Dickinson or Joyce.Thus lounge culture and Butty are natural and kindred spirits.Is there a handshake to be had between the Clancy Brothers and Henry Mancini?You better believe it. Oh and what's that sound I hear out in cyberspace?It's The Captain and his pals singing Home On The Range.For that's what they're going to do out there on the infortmation highway.Light a few sticks and tell a few yards.For cyberspace is good-it's just that it needs a few porringers of tay.Especially in modern Ireland.Which is far less sophisticated than it would like to think-and was far more homely than it ever gave itsdelf credit for.The Captain's thatched cottage is on the side of The Information Highway.So put down that Ipod and drop in for a chat-and either a mug of Lyons or a vodka gimlet.We have both.But for Jasus sake stay away from the mad hotels of modern Ireland with their cheap garbage art and their screeching conflicting styles of art not to mention their ghost-faced underpaid staff.Home On the Range-sing that late at night on the highway.The Captain will accompany you on the accordion. The

 

Emily Dickinson 'n all

17/09/2007 11:02:00 PM

Posted by Radio Butty

For what died The Sons Of Roisin,Luke Kelly wants to know.An orange face and two stripes on their tracksuit bottoms says Butty. 

Ah!Look at all the lonely people,say The Beatles.

Radio Butty says:no we won't.Just because Paul Mc Cartney says?Why is he the boss.And n n n anyways how does he know they're lonely?As for Fr Mc Kenzie I don't think he'd be too pleased about them saying no-one would hear his sermon.Have they any backup evidence for this assertion?Methinks not.So that's disappointing now because Butty and the gang are fans.So come on now Beatles:shape up out of that.No more smug presumptions if you please.

 

RADIO BUTTY is anything but parochial.It takes tea with Evelyn Waugh.It plays records by Mantovani.It is a wooden box of wonder.Maybe I should put it this way:if Elvis Presley and Emily Bronte or Batman and Emily Dickinson ever had a child its name would be Butty.Arise Sir Buttkins and go on the wireless the officiating clergyman would be heard to say.And then it would be noticed and someone would observe:Jakers,lads,Fr Sean has a head like fish!A brame,in fact!

Brame would be the Monaghan pronunciation of 'bream' which is a fish with tail,fins and all the rest.Thank you.(The Captain.)

 

Execution Announcement:

09/09/2007 11:02:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

This is just to announce that irony is to be led from its big fat cosy self-satisfied sauna at dawn tomorrow and taken out into the courtyard where it will be shamed to death by The Butty Assassination Squad:the firing squad itself has already been assembled and it comprises Jim Reeves,Edel Quinn who is shortly to be beatified,Wink Martindale who recited the monologue Deck Of Cards,Tom Riordan of the fabled farmhouse RTE series and Brendan Behan.The sub. will be Stanley Matthews,the old-time footballer.Thank you.This announcement now concludes.

YOU'VE HEARD OF WAR AND PEACE YOU'VE READ YOUR MARCEL PROUST,EVERY CHRISTMAS YOU RECEIVED THE DANDY ANNUAL IN A SOCK AND HOLIER-TYPES WILL HAVE MADE IT THEIR BUSINESS TO GRIMLY GRIP THE FAR EAST IN THEIR PAWS:BUT HOW MANY OF THEM WILL HAVE READ OR EVEN KNOW ABOUT:

                                                                       the butty anual?

 BUTTY ANNUAL NEWS!

 It takes no genius to apprehend or appreciate that in this the new century,in spite of unprecedented wealth and comfort the like of which the world has rarely seen,there is a nagging dissatisfaction at the heart of things that,almost out of embarrassment,refuses to be named.It masquerades as the eternal unease that is part of the human condition.But it is not.It cannot be the same as the privations of the past,spiritual or otherwise.It is a far deeper and potentially more devastating malaise.All the more because it is self-inflicted.Think of the hangovers you've been having recently:what is that noise and who are those people?They are all talking at once no bawling in unison on a variety of different media.On the plasma screen,on the digital radio,on the Ipod,on the Mac.It's all bleeding into a continent of nothing and something about it is making you feel sick.You've done your househunting in the sun.You've eaten all the big nouvelle dinners.And still your head hurts.You don't want to go out because nothing surprises.You've done it all before you go out.You think it's all a waste of time.You''ll just come back in with that pained hurting feeling.The soul yet again has suffered coitus interruptus.And the last thing you think is that a wee fat man in a hat can help you.But that's where you're wrong because Captain Butty knows:he knows what is wrong is that wonder has gone missing.And he's going after it.Big time he's going hunting and in the process he's executing irony.He wants to hose the poison out and how he does it is in the mystery of the waves:the airwaves of his magic radio,that is,which snare at long last the best things of the past.Which out in cyberspace catches the floating souls of the sidelined-the old the very young and the terminally unfashionable.His cookery section will praise apple tarts,his poetry will be old ones that contain rhymes.But that doesn't mean he's stuck down a hole.No,The Captain rides like The Mekon out of Dan Dare the pilot of the future,through timea and space and computers too for The Captain is no geeky nerd.And when the most sensible publisher in the world gets the cash to purchase the rights to The Butty Annual he or she will be doing the world a great service.For Captain Butty's sick of gluttony and bad manners.He likes goodness and kindness and the wonder of children.He doesn't pretend to have seen it all,he doesn't winter in Baden Baden.But he likes funny magic and cowboy films and Dr Who and Toblerones and he likes the pictures of Diana Dors.Indeed he likes anything that makes him go:'Jeekers!' And that's why he's hired Patrick Mc Cabe:to man his radio station and brig to the world this galaxy of fun and upside down and inside out information.The Butty Annual is a galaxy of stars:it's Tolstoy,it's Elvis but it's Cliff Richard and Jane Austen too.It's cowboys,it's Shakespeare and it's fun will never end.If you want cookery and puzzles and mixed-up rubbish then The Butty Annual is the one for you.Post modern fun for old-timers from the future.And not a jaded ironist in sight.What's The Butty Annual?It's the Radio Times gone on holiday to Mars and arriving back with Lord Snooty and Winston Churchill:except the British Prime Minister has somehow managed to be transplanted with De Valera's head.(Eamon De Valera was the president of the Irish republic)It's Craven A smokes,it's Jacob's fig rolls,it's often poetry of the highest calibre.Yes,Capt P.W. (Pudge Wullie Butty)is an old time old fashioned Irishman.But he's not full of guff and he's not ashamed either.So if it's wonder and fun and that old down-home magic that you want,and were sure had gone forever,then don't be afeared for the homeliness of Butty won't let you down.And he guarantees you this:you'll never househunt in that dreary sun again.(Patrick Mc Cabe,editor-in- chief,The Butty Annual,coming soon.First issue featuring:Johnny Ferguson on showbands,with The Toblerones Story,Kevin Allen on Empire Days and how to sing Blue Suede Shoes in Welsh,Pat Mc Cabe on his favourite food-steak pies and apple tarts,and Margot Quinn on Creating Captain Butty's Likeness''' Peter Trant will also be reporting on 'Memories Of St Munchen's'-a look down memory lane when he pushed a desk on a priest who was annoying him.There will also be features on space and football.And the short stories of Putty Mc Goo,whose recent collection 'The Nosiness of Protestants' was published recently by Smudge Publications.)So watch out smart alecs who think you're great beacuse you're earning piles of cash:there's a mighty whack coming to the seat of your smug wee pants:courtesy The Captain:the fight is on!

 _____________________________________________________________-

Right:here is the deal,as they say in the pictures:a lot of 'punters' as they call them have been coming up to me around the place and asking:what's going on with this Butty Annual of yours?Is it true that Kevin Allen,Johnny Ferguson,Niall Toner,Peter Trant and others are going to be writing bits for it?Yes indeed it is,I say,and they say:who do they effingwell think that they are and n n n anyways The Butty Annual's a stupid name for a book.Why are youse writing it?I suggest you check out above.

 OXFORD DICTIONARY DEFINITION OF 'BUTTY'-

THE TYPE MALE OF A CERTAIN AGE LIKELY TO BE ENCOUNTERED IN THE COUNTY MONAGHAN REGION OF IRELAND.

USE IN SPEECH: 'HE'S A BUTTY WEE FELLA,A RIGHT TIDY WEE HOOR.' OR:'A BUTTY CUB,SURELY.' NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH 'BACON' OR 'CHICKEN' BUTTY-AS IN SANDWICH.

White Fronts 'n all

This evening,Sept 7,feast if St Lupercal(Night Of the Wolf)
Posted by MADGE BUTTY(MRS)

You are just not going to believe this but at about half past seven this evening,not long after I came back from Benediction,I was out in the yard there hanging up the clothes and chatting away to Mrs Mc Geady(do you know her husband,he used to work on the railway hammering in stakes,huge big metal ones not unlike the ones the Romans used on Our Lord long ago,and had just pegged up P.W's shirt when all of a sudden this almighty commotion began out of nowhere and glory be to God didn't I look and what's there,only Tom Gurk out of Nancy,poiting away and leading this fellow with a briefcase up the lane,and looked mighty flushed he was,I may sao-Tom,I mean,not the fellow with the case,But it wasn't a 'flushed' that came out of embarrassment,as if he'd been bitten by a creature or something like-no,far from it,it was pride that lit up Tom Gurk's cheeks,I could tell.But the mystery was:why,for what reason?

Well it was a mystery let me tell you that was very soon to be solved.Didn't it transpire that the fellow with the case was a Farraday Greenwood who informed me he was a great big editor in London.A 'commissioning editor',he told me was his title.Although,to be honest if he had told me he was head of gosseberry shaving for the whole of the West London metropolitan area,it would have made about just as much sense.But wait till you hear the bit!Didn't it transpire that he had heard all about the famous 'Radio Butty' and that he had already been 'in negotiations' with 'The Captain' himself.Well when I heard that as you can imagine,I was furious!'What!',I said,'do you mean to tel me that that little conniving caffler has been making plans of all kinds of sorts while not mentioning a word of any of it to me-I'll break the brush across his back!'

Fort,as I explained to Mr Farraday,who is more qualified than his mother to tell the story,of Radio Butty or anyone else?For the little cur he wouldn't have even a smidgeen of life if I had parted my pins for his father,on that day of raspberries and rain lpong ago,in behind Mattie's whin bush at the cross.So I'll have a few things to say to Captain Butty,when he gets in hiccuping from 'the hostelry' as he calls it.I have a good mind to go in under the stairs right this very moment and smash up that stupid old sound desk he has  with all its ridiculous wires and knobs.And the latest is now he's buying a computer!Well he needn't think he's bringing dirty filith into Fatima Terrace,I'll chase them Singapore hussies out of Scotshouse.But anyway,where was I?Yes,I was telling you the bit about Farraday,of course.Well the upshot was,before I knew he has pulled out a cheque and on the bonnet of Rinty's Morris Minor he's writing 'Madge Butty's Memoirs:my life with Captain P.W. Butty,Radio King.'

Which he suggested might provide a useful working title.I was chewing a peg giving it some thought when I said-the idea just came redlit into my head-what about subtitling it 'The useless little bastard',being as he spends half the day beneath the stairs,downloading rubbish and twiddling old knobs.'

Before you can say the words ohm or megahertz,Farraday is lifting up his arm and beaming:'That's fine with me,you needn't worry about that,for Squibtalk Promotions are if anything artist friendly!If anything,Madge Butty,you'll find you've been given editorial control.So if you want cookery programmes,racing,darts and chess or Dear Frankie columns,not to metnion amateur drama or horses that I have known,then rest assured ma'am that it's already granted.And nothing your son can do can overrule it,even if he wants more space for Jim Reeves,or famous film stars that have never existed.Even his top ten favourite biscuits they won't shift you,for we at the publishers won't allow it.' Then all of a sudden don't he go and say the most wonderful thing:'Mrs Butty,he says,did anyone ever tell you look like someone out of Hollywood yopo urself?' Well I declare to God I didn't know where to look.

But I'll tell you this-there was definite invigorated spring to my step as I lifted my emoty basin and went inside to look for that cheeky caffler-who was found,of course,as usual,under the stairs halfway down a tube or funnel.'Are you down there!',I says to him but all I can hear was sort of 'oomph!' or 'yea!' as I primped my hair and announced,quite laconically.'Ha ha you auld eejit!I've been chosed to compile and write your intorduction.So not only did I suckle you and give you precious life,but I'm now in control of Radio Butty,thanks to the most wonderfullyt enlightened English publsiher!What fantastic news!'

'What's that Ma?',I heard the eejit say,as he pulled himself out of the twining serrated tube,adjusted his waistcoat as he stood there with his oil-stained face,asking me some stupid question about Gilbert And Sullivan or some song long ago.

'Ah would you go away out of that!,'I said and gave him a good hard push,before going up the stairs to put on my face and make myself presentable,to compile my editorial for the one and only Radio Butty famous annual.'

'Where are you going Ma?',I heard that eejit of a son calling after me,as I barked back down to the would-be black and white minstrelo in hjis great big stupid cattle dealer's suit:

-And what business of yours is it Pudge Wullie Butty!Now quit out from that and make your mother a cup of tea?'

-Lyons Green Label,the idiot responded.

-Yes of course,I replied,and now hurry,as in I went to my boudoir most fair,with my mind all buzzing with thoughts of Harry Worth,and Jimmy Edwards and The Beatles but not Mc Ginty's Goat,for of all of Val Doonican's songs I prefer-Rafferty's Motor Car,even if it is a blatant and quite astoundingly cheeky plagiarism of the popular advert Finger Of Fudge (is just enough to give your kids a treat.)

Ah,I sais as I sat down at my dressing table,Pond's cleansing milk,makes me look like Diana Dors.As\I put on my favourite broadcasting voice and pretended already I was at my Radio Butty desk.

-Yes listeners,I intoned huskily,Diana Dors-hung for murder.O sorry Ruth Ellis I mean,in that film long ago whatyoumaycallit,anyway hung!Introducing tonight for your entertainment,the most fabliss host of amazing stars all the way from Monaghan an d Irdeland and the world with Johnny Ferguson and The Toblerones in 'The Toblerone Story',Niall 'Warren Oates' Toner in 'He Dies By Guitar' and a literal galaxy of international celebs including Kevin Allen who sings about shoes in Welsh but a lot more than that anything you ever wanted to know about Ireland mwith a weekly column called Down Your Way with Gimpy Mc Gann as your roving camera and a great new comic stri[p called 'The Looney Fuckers' all about an ordinary Dublin family.And also introudcing Dear Frankie Are You There,a sort of metaphysical problem page sponsored by Jacobhertz,in which the deceased hostess solves your problems from beyond the greave.Programme One:MY Husband Ats Hay and what to do if your buckrake breaks down.In our 'beyond the grave' section,Ted Bundy will always be hosting a problem page and there will be reminiscneces of famous figures such as Bluebeard and Adolf Hitler by those who remember them most fondly from the past,and hopefully Davy Jones from The Monkees will drop by to give us a tune.So it all proposes to be fun this winter with this wonderful annual for all your pals at Christmas-complete with its own specially chosen free CD,with songs by Beethoven,Roy Rogers and Claude Debussy,not forgetting the great Joe Meek,who shot his landlady one time in London.Cheers,pop pickers!Yours for now,Madge Butty(Mrs)

-Get off that wireless will you Ma!

-Shut your mouth!I gave you life!

-It's not fair!I got the table and the coat hanger so I did!

-One more minute then son and out I'll come!

-Thanks Ma!Your steaming mug of Green Label is here!

-There's a good little lad,P.W!

The nerve of it all

04/09/2007 01:01:00 PM

Posted by MADGE BUTTY(MRS)

Ah hello there:this is Madge Butty(Mrs)here.I was up the town there and a woman I know-she's a Mc Caldin from Cornageeha Cross who owns a bicycle that you often see parked sideways on the bridge just as you come out of Kileevan on way to Analore that has\ the blue curatins on the wee house near the field-was telling me that she was reading some rather disturbing postings on what she calls The Capt Buty website so I assured her that I immediately would 'take a gander' as we tend to say in out colloquial way around here.Well when I swaw what that brat had written I was quite appalled!All I can say is:if his father was alive he would kick him up and down that street and from here to Scotshouse and back again.Has he any idea how much money was spent on his education and then to go using it to run down people who have worked themselves to the bone not this week but for centuries past.Let me tell you this-when I see that pup,that so-called Captain Butty,he'll be excreting capacitors and resistors for a fortnight.He's a disgrace to the name of Butty so he is.Whisht!I think I hear him coming now-where the devil did I put my stick?No,pass no remarks,this rolling pin will do the trick.

Yoo hoo!Captain!Is that you Captain!O my God-it's his sinister evil doppelganger:Bizarro Butty!Look atb his aud made-of-bricks twisty face!Get your hands off me-you monster!Help!Help!

(All that remained of Mrs Butty(Madge)was a coverall apron-with one of the strings missing.Investigations are continuing.

with a heavy heart

03/09/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

Coconut creams

02/09/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

Well there you are lads it's all over bar the shouting,The Flatlake has been and gone.I don't know if I'll be back next year because it's nice out here in The Caribbean.The only drawback is:no Kimberleys or Mikados.Flatlake update coming soo,along with 'embezzlement' news.Great show from Tom Jug from Killevan for his poem 'My Donkey's Shed.'

 Flatlake Fans:thanks for coming on Sat and Sun and congrats to all our competition winners,especially Jan and the backways poem in The X Tractor.Roundup on Butty coming soon.

 LONDON VISITORS!Hi to all our London pals!What a place.Ten million people:I never seen the bate of it.Palaces,art galleries,Jasus!And now here youse are:youse are very welcome to Hilton here to give us all the news.Did any of youse ever see Eric Clapton over there?I hear he's an auld snob-is that true?Another fellow we like is Arthur Brown,out of The Crazy World of Arthur Brown,singer of I am the God of hell fire and I bring you-fire doo dee doo!

Well it was hardly going to be water was it Arthur I mean come on!Well London pals-did youse ever see himj over there or not?And what about MKick Abrahams out of Blodwyn Pig.Youse didn't?Ah youse are only a shower of baaaaastards!Go backl to London!(Only joking)

SOME THOUGHTS ON MANNERS

25/08/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

Of late The Captain has become increasingly concerned at the deteriorating state of Irish manners.Why just today he was crossing The Diamond when a fellow out of nowhere approached him and said:just who is this this Kevin Allen fellow?Festivals?I'll give him festivals-I'll give him a box in the face.I wonder how he'd like that,puffing his fags and going around.Not very much I'd be prepared to wager.And thenn went off laughing and rubbing his hands.Now that's not very mannerly is it?It most certainly is not!More 'manners' news coming soon.Your friend,The Captain.

Jeekeroonies!Massive alert worse than other alerts-we have just een informed of astonishing scenes down at the station!Apparently the studio has been invaded and taken over by sinister members of the feared Tonton Macoute who have-I can't believe what I'm saying here!-slaughtered a chicken and stuffed it down into The Captain's favourite mixing desk.By all accounts the studio is in flitters,blood -spattered and in serious disarray.O God,I hope this unexpected interruption doesn't affect the future of the festival.Damn!Just when things were going well.Stupid rotten old thoughtless Macoutes!

Other cities of the world:

I am sure that many of the visitors to our festival will come from places that are not Scotshouse,Tydavnet,Clones or any of them Monagahn towns.There are even going to be people from London and The Big Apple!(New York)I wonder would any of them be prepared to give us the lowdown on what goes on?In the clubs and that-would they?I am especially interested in the far east-type places.Any 'white slave'-type experiences or mad pirate-type stuff?We would greatly appreciate your input at the station.One of my all time favourite cities is Bratislava but I don't know where it is we went there on a plane.Has anyone been to Spain town?I hear that'[s good.But it doesn't have to be that it can be Dubai or Baden Baden or anywhere you like.Anybody from Ballybay dont bother calling in for we know all about that thanks anyway.Call The Captain fifty half before noon for a special prize,this week's bumper gift a Toffo pop. 

 The Captain is back-he was up in Dublin there for a few days.Jeepers,what a crowd!I'd say there must have been up on 150,000 there.There's no doubt about it-Ireland is on the up and up!Well done Dublin!(Great bargains in the shops-luminous skeletons only 5 euro apiece.So,fantastic trip overall,and a lovely cup of tea in The Connacht Restaurant.Which I have just been told is no longer there.Gaspies!Mysterious Edgar Allen Poe/H.P.Lovecraft vibe!What can this mean?Ghostly burgers and chips from the dawn of time.I'm getting out of here! 

Some Thoughts on broadcasting

14/08/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

 Some thoughts on broadcasting:wouldn't it be great if at some time in the future you could just turn on the wireless and there's be your dead father or mother talking to you,saying:did you get second Mass? or are them chickens fed yet?Or anything at all.I think it would be great and a mighty development in science.But what is the real likelihood of this happening?Are there any scientists out there reading this because if there are please call us here at Butty r send your comments on a postcard marked:Dead Parents,Radio Query,plodge and a half,Scotshouse.Thank you! 

Understandably we here at the station are all a little bit bruised after the game but very proud of the performance by the mighty Monaghan team,one miserable effing point.Ah well-I wouldn't like to be some of them teams next year when The Farney Boys come back to kick them off the field and then some,as the Yanks say.In the meantime,shooting continues apace on Butty's latest foray into the film world,directed by Spud Conkey and loosely based on a day he thumbed to Dundalk in 97,entitled 'Bring Me The Ear Of Putty Mc Goo',to be released as part of a seventies-style double bill with 'Killer Nun' aka 'Don't Call Me Sister.' Talk soon,Butty fans!

SPECIAL NOTICE FOR ALL ARTISTS

10/08/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

SPECIAL NOTICE FOR ALL ARTISTS APPEARING AT THE FESTIVAL!MAKE SURE AND BRING SIX(6)cd's of your favourite tunes for you will be called at no notice at all to yap about them on a special edition of BUTTY'S SLIPPED DISCS ON FIFTY AND A HALF MILLIHERTZ NEAR SPLODGE:DID YOUSE HEAR THAT DERMOT HEALY,TIM O' GRADY.HUGO HAMILTON,JOHN JACK BARRY MAHER AND THE POETRY CHICKS AND CLAIRE KEEGAN AND ALL THEM ONES!!!!

To all Butty fans,especially those cineaste types who have supported us over the years:the good news is that,after protracted discussions behind the scenes,we have finally been notified that our latest 6 min. production-yes,that's six mins!non-stop-has unbelieveably been greenlighted,starring THE TOBERLONES Johnny and Nialler.Those in the know will already know that it is,of course,a war film entitled:THE GUNS OF TOBLERONE.This festival has been so good for everybody.

 Frankie says:if you have locked your husband in the coalhouse,kneel down ad say through the keyhole:are you going to do it again?

And if he says yes,then let him out.But for God's sake,keep that hay locked up!

The popular singer Travis asks:why does it always rain on me?At the risk of offending this very talented musician,we at Butty would like to point out that it doesn't-just rain on him,that is.If he doesn't believe us I suggest that,the next time he perceives a few little drops to be going 'plink!' on his probably eccentric left-field musician -style headgear that he take a little time to observe his fellow citizens.And there, one pound to one penny,he will become aware of a situation which makes a nonsense of his former assertions.Otherwise why are those people carrying umbrellaqs and dodging into doorways with scrunched-up temporarily unhappy faces?For one reason and one reason alone,Butty listeners,and Travis of course-because it is raining on them as well!So come on Trav,lighten up-popular as you are the elements have more to do than single you out for special splashes.Nice tune though! 

Who's Sam

10/08/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

Sports fans:how are you all getting on?I'll bet you're all looking forward to the game next Sunday are youse? I am! My money however is on Cornageeha Sarsfields for if you ask me they have a great team 'the year.' Yes, I already have slapped down fifty crisp ones on The Sarsfields to take the Ted Bundy Perpetual trophy once more.That's not to say Mullingook are not a formidable adversary.They are-but 'Tank' 'they shall not pass' Mc Clookie is a force to be reckoned with.So, I'd say,Mullingook-don't bother your arses getting into the coach.Let's hear it Sarsfields 'we are the mighty men!' Good lads! And give it everything on the turf next Sun.Ted would be proud of youse! 

Coming soon all you celluloid-loving freaks:direct from Butty Studios,scripted by Johnny 'Dancing Oranges' Ferguson:CSI Butty,The Showband Killings and The Maltese Butty.The trilogy (three colours blue red and white ha ha ha ha ha) to be directed by our own local director, Cecil B Kilometer. Eat your heart out,Coppola!

Sample dialogue:Forget it,Briggs,it's Buttytown!

Misprints and Microwaves

9/08/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

MISPRINT NOTICE:'Eamon The Ewe-please stop calling as The Butty Line is now closed-as many listeners have pointed out-ought to,of course,read Aileen The Ewe,as a ewe is,obviously a girl not a man-sheep.Thanks to all those who pointed this out,you pedantic eejits.

The Captain

MICROWAVE OVENS

We got to instal them.But who says so-and why?I don't see any reason why if you don't want to you ought to be under any obligation at all.So as far as Radio Butty is concerned,Mark Knopfler and Dire Straits are out of line on this one.Which will not affect our attitude to their music which we very much like.Especially The Heat Is On-or is that Glenn Frey?So Mark-how's about a rethink,eh?Rock on!

SOME NUCLEAR ATTACK TIPS:RUN IN BEHIND THE GATE. NOT FAR FROM THE BUTTY BARN. BUT GO QUICK! 

Calling all artists to the Butty booth

02/08/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

FAVOURITE AMERICAN NEWSPAPER COMICS:MINE IS DAGWOOD AND MR DITHERS.

WHAT'S YOURS-OR ARE YOUSE ALL TOO GRAND TO BE BOTHERED READING THEM?

BUTTY SAYS:WATCH YOUR STEP MODERN IRELAND TYPES!ANOTHER GOOD ONE IS THE KATZENJAMMER KIDS. WHAT A BUNCH!SMASHING UP EVERYTHING.AND WHAT ABOUT HORROR MOVIES?CRAZED-YOUR MAN WEARS A MASK AND KILLS THE WHOLE TOWN!HONEST TO GOD-AND IT TURNS OUT TO BE THE OTHER FELLOW AT THE END.GREAT STUFF!BUTTY GIVES IT ONE HUNDRED STARS.

ARTY TYPES TAKE NOTE:We will soon be designing the BUTTY BOOTH in which our festival radio station will be housed.It is envisaged as a cross between the Star Trek space shuttle cockpit and Miss O' Leary's Irish scullery/kitchen.Can you,as an artist help us with this venture?Can you seriously call yourself an artist if you don't?Think of the progeny of Tom Riordan and The Creature From The Black Lagoon.That should help.See you soon arty types.Contact flatlakeinfo@eircom.net with your BUTTY BOOTH suggestions.

Favourite Day of the week competition

29/07/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

Imagine Paris Hilton kicking Kate Moss with her Jimmy Choos shoes-who ever heard the like!I know it didn't happen,but just imagine if it did.His Buttiness would be horrified.

Announcement of 'Favourite Day Of The Week' competition.Obviously,everyone has their own.We at Butty plump for Sunday but mainly because we are nostalgic-lingering odours of sizzling frying bacon etc. and Michael O Hehir bleating 'Come on Tipp!' There are going to be many diverse opinions on this-some may opt for Tuesday on account of it being bridge evening or whatever or maybe Saturday because 'You're A Star' is on-you know what I mean.Whichever you decide,we at Butty-or should I say we at 'Sunday is Tops' Butty-want to know.Send in your votes now,please,telephoned on a postcard to Buttkins 'Best Daze' comp.

Fans of Captain Butty:'Likenesses' of The Captain will be available for purchase at the Radio Butty booth on Aug 25 and 26,for the laughable price of 5p each.It just gets better and better! 

 Dear Frankie:my husband is locked in the coalhouse.

PARIS HILTON

17/07/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

Terrible bit of unpleasantness last evening:Paris Hilton flew in in a vile temper,landing her helicopter on the lawn near the lake.'What's this about Kate Moss's favourite townland being Tydavnet.What the hell would she know about the townlands of North Monaghan.I'll give her this!'

At this point she raised her fist and said-' a bunch of fives,that's what!'

Its been the only unpleasant episode in the festival so far.Ah well,that's famous international models for you,I suppose.

FANTASTIC NEWSWFLASH!THE AMAZING DYLAN MORAN JUST CONFIRMED FOR FLATLAKE!THIS IS A FIRST!DYLAN WILL BE READING FROM HIS NOVEL IN PROGRESS 'THE LITTLE INVENTIONS'-I WOULDN'T LIKE TO BE ALL THE BEARDY OLD BEERY WRITERS WHEN THEY HEAR THIS!FABBO FOR FLATLAKE!THE MAGIC CONTINUES!

KUNG FU AMAZING FACTS:ALTOGETHER THERE ARE 1,236,000 KICKS IN 'FIST OF FURY',perhaps Bruce Lee's most popular film of the seventies.

Spotted out the Carn Lane early a.m:a half-mosquito,half woodlouse:is this the first of the year.More Butty 'nature news' coming soon.

Breaking News

27/07/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

Breaking Butty News:Johnny 'Fingers' Ferguson at present learning 'Fireball XL5' on the guitar and also 'Pat The Baker'.So lookout,other festivals,Flatlake eats you for breakfast!See Johnny's film FALLOUT about nuclear strikes on DVD,issue number 176x on the Disayse label. 

 

Recent poll:St Dominic Savio 1245 votes.

St Sean of Avignon 324 votes.St Sean is therefore declared the overall winner.

                                                  Well done Sean!

 

Nuclear Attack:In the unlikely event of a nuclear attack on flatlake,run like a hoor towards the school and then turn left for Connolly's,where tea 'n ices will be served.

Prison for poets:now that the army is involved with Flatlake it would be wise for any poet entertaining notions of coming along with stories about their love affairs and haikus about dandelions to be wary:two hours square bashing and spud peeling awaits you if you get self-indulgent,courtesy of Sgt.Major Paud Gillespie.So watch it! 

Sheep and tree tour note:demand has been so great for this innovative venture that only a few tickets remain.An extra tractor is being pressed into service-a Massey Ferguson one and a half litre brogan-and a number of places still remain.So-anyone for the sheep and tree tour-get,as they say these days,'on the case' at once.Eamon the ewe is worth a visit-a gas sheep so he is,always gaping over the gate.A good tree is the elder near the front entrance of Hilton,with some green bits on it.

Caped Intruder

24/07/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

The favourite townlands of internationally renowned models:a new Butty series.Number One-Drumhowan by Paris Hilton.'My favourite of all townlands in the entire north Monaghan area is Drumhowan',Paris Hilton said last night at her home out foreign.Coming next:Kate Moss on Tydavnet.

Retreating figure seen in dark near One Tree:a mysterious caped intruder was seen clambering over a gate in the dead of night last a.m.It was only by the grace of God and the prayers of Nora Bunty that a villainous plot to steal our 'Damo' painting was averted.Go on then,hideously garbed anonymous figure-go and paint you own pixture-you think Damo 'skullhead'Hirst has nothing better to do than line your pockets!Shame on all you mysterious retreating figures in the dead of night.Go on now-away out of that!

JFK quiz:does anyone remember where they were when this famous president of the USA was shot down cruelly by that brat Oswald.I do!I was in Cootehill at the mart.No,I tell a lie-I was in Newbliss buying shoes.A tragic day for all but as my aunt said at the time-it couldn't have happened to a nicer man.

Capt.Butty announcement:in conjunction with the Flatlake festival and the tireless Kevin Allen,Radio Butty is proud to sponsor the forthcoming sheep and tree tour which he will be hosting at Hilton.All in all there are 3,126 sheep,all with different names and nearly as many trees-so that's good isn't it?Kevin will show all these individually and give lifts to each one on his tractor.It promises to be a whizz bang ride for all involved.Well done Kevin!

Hirst painting undercover in Scotshouse

17/07/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

Dear Frankie:my hubby tells 'blue' jokes-but he says i'm out of touch that it's all the 'mod' thing to do.I'm confused.Am I old fashioned?He says I am.And he eats fistfuls of hay when we're-you know.Frankie one of my friends is all in with 'women's lib.'She wants me to go to a meeting in the hall on Friday.But I don't know.The world seems to be changing so fast,Frankie.But I'll tell you this-I'm not eating hay.

News on the hour!Special Flatlake Announcement-there will be a special 'My Favourite Saint' competition run in conjunction with the Flatlake Festival-so if anyone fancies penning a little composition about Dominic Savio or perhaps Maria Goretti or even her sister Aine we would be over the moon to hear from them.Butty's own favourite is St Burgs.He lived in Brazil.A very generous boy,aged 15,he was shot by pagans.He lived near Sao Paulo,on the Rathmutt side.More saints coming soon.

 

Breaking news!Confirmed for Flatake-none other than Mr Mytzypldk and his performing duck!(You might remember him out of Superman although he didn't have the duck then.Also the wonderful FRIENDS OF ADOLF HITLER FLAGOLET AND REED BAND,all the way from Chicago.Thanks to Bernie for organising this. 

It may be of interest to listeners to note that,through his extensive contacts in the world of showbiz and entertainment,some very interesting information indeed has come the way of Capt.Butty.This concerns a certain painting by one Damian (not 'The Omen')Hirst which has been smuggled into Ireland some say on a tugboat others by helicopter.I don't know-all I know is that it is the best painting ever since whatyoucallhim Quattrocento or was he a painter at all.Imagine-smuggled into Scotshouse in the dead of night by boat or helicopter,it's unbelievable.And then-Paris Hilton being spotted in the library in Clones reading 'Magaheraveely and Its History' Things are certainly changing in the North Monaghan area and that's not even considering the wolfman seen doing 'number one's' behind a whin bush near The One Tree,on the Redhills side.Buttkins says:if it's art you want,it's all here at the end of the dial.Who likes Clint Eastwood films?I do!Especially ones where they chop off his legs('The Beguiled'-Don Siegel,nineteen sixty-half.)

Interesting Note

15/07/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

Interesting note:if you are at a loose end or are waiting around the town for any reason,a good book to pick up to pass a few hours is Remembrance Of Things Past by Marcel Proust.There is something in there for everyone and whether you are a man or a woman it doesn't make any difference.In French that is A La Recherche Du Temps Perdu.Another very good one is The Revenge Of Django which was also made into a very popular film in the late nineteen sixties starring Franco Nero.A bit of 'Things Past' was also filmed but not much.That was called Swann In Love.I'm afraid it was a bit of a bags.

Breaking News

14/07/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

Breaking Flatlake News exclusive to Radio Butty!Just booked for the festival:The Lee Harvey Oswald Memorial Pipe Band.More news as it comes. 

We here at the station were wondering:do any listeners have a favourite one hit wonder from the seventies or eighties?Butty does:in fact,he has two-Lieutenant Pigeon's Mouldy Old Dough and the one at the end of the kung fu extravaganza The Man From Hong Kong-I think it's called Sky High.If you have a fave nomination for a one hit smasheroonie from this period can you please leave your suggestion near the fence by The One Tree,Scotshouse.Thanks partners,as they say in the cowboys.

SECRET ORIGINS NO.1:RADIO BUTTY

The History Of Radio Butty

I am sure that now that the word has got around about Radio Butty and The World-Famous Scotshouse Literary Extravaganza that is Flatlake,many punters are keen to know more about R.B. by P.W.B,that is to say Radio Butty,by Pudge Wullie Butty.Where,they say,does it stand at the beginning of the 21st century?The answer,listeners,is simple:over there by Markey's Butcher's and sometimes near Reilly's at the far end of the square.

_____________________________________________

Just a few interesting facts regarding P.W:he first got the idea of setting up his own personal radio station when he was over in China selling cattle.With the monies he received from the sale of his ten black pollies as soon as he arrived on his native shores,or,more specifically,in his little town of Plup,not far from Gork on the Rathmutt side,P.W. set at once about realising his own personal dream.To this end he purchased a wire coat hanger,a caravan and some buttons.The rest is history.

I suppose you have all been hearing rumours about haiku-versifiers making approaches to flatlake regarding the possibility of them entering our poetry competition.Well,unless Kevin,head of the festival,or Johnny Madden,owner of the flat lake on which it is to be held,has any objection,I myself would like to enter.As it happens,I even have the first two lines of my proposed entry completed.Here it is:I do not think I will ever see/a poem so beautiful as a bucket.

Or  a watering can.I'm not sure yet.Poems take time.But I feel confident I can pull it off.More 'poem' news soon. P.W.Butty.(Not P.W.Botha-he's nothing to do with Butty,he's a politician.)

Connecting Radio Butty

9/07/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ASKING ME-HOW DO U CONNECT TO RADIO BUTTY?WELL ITS SIMPLE:JUST PURCHASE A PACKET OF BISCAKES SIT DOWN ON A PUT-U-UP AND TUNE INTO RADIO BUTTIKA,FIFTY HALF KILHOHERTZ AND A BIT,AT THE END OF THE DIAL.NEAR PATSY SQUIDGE.THANK YOU.

 

Out to hell outa that 

8/07/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

I don't want to alarm anyone but I have just been acquainted with some very alarming intelligence indeed-there have been rumours that communists have been making moves to infilitrate our festival.Well if that is the case I have news for them-look here,communists:clear off!Any sign of your types around Hilton and it won't be good for youse.Go on now!Out to hell outa that!Never heard the like,exponential infra-red neo constructivist bargain economics-we have enough to do!..........................

 

Buttyland saintdom 

7/07/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

.....................................Ah yes folks I have had quite a few requests as to who is the patron saint of buttyland?Is it little Dominic Savio or maybe Don Camillo or one of those lads?Nope,the patron saint here at Butty 1 and fifty half,where the future crackles at the end of the dial is none other than-yes St Margaret Barry,the bestest banjo girl that ever was held outside of Bundoran and who used to play tunes at the Ulster Final in Clones and we know because we seen her.Fave tunes include THE BRIDGE BELOW THE TOWN,THE GUINNESS SONG AND MY AULD ASS AND CART.STAY TUNED for more about Margaret our genuine hero.We also welcome comments and interesting facts about her career.Let's hear it then for-MARGARET BARRY!...........................

 

Butty gang 

6/07/2007 01:01:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty

..................................YES INDEED LADIES AND GENTLEMEN A VERY SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:THE BUTTY GANG ARE COMING TO THE BUTTY BARN ON AUG 26!THEY INCLUDE ZOMBIE SQUEEBOX,THE HEART OF SATURDAY NIGHT,MRS MADONNA AND A HOST OF OTHER BUTTY-TYPES IN BOXES COURTESY OF MYSTERIOUS ARTY TYPE WEIRDY MRS MC GINNITY AKA MARGOT QUINN SO GET TO THE BARN WITH YOUR X RAY SPEX THE BUTTY GALLERY OPENS SOON!SIGNED CAPT. BUTTY RADIO CONTROLLER.MORE VISUAL ART NEWS COMING SOON.DAMIEN HIRST PAINTING HELICOPTERED IN BY PONY AND TRAP IN DEAD OF NIGHT!GASPIES!....................................

 

Jennet Intelligencer 

1/07/2007 11:02:00 PM
Posted by Radio Butty 

The Jennet Intelligencer incorporating Radio Buttika!

LISTEN UP, JENNET-TYPES!!! (MAD MULE CUM DONKEY-TYPE BEHAVIOUR)

SPECIAL BUTTY ANNOUNCEMENT-FOR ALL POTENTIAL JENNETS!

THERE WILL BE A SPECIAL CUMMERBUND AND MEDAL PRIZE FOR THE BIGGEST JENNET OF THE FESTIVAL.THAT IS TO SAY A WELL INTENTIONED ARTISTIC TYPE WHO FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER NEVER MANAGES TO MAKE IT TO ANY 'ARTY' TYPE EVENTS BUT MYSTERIOUSLY SUCCEEDS IN GETTING AS FAR AS CONNOLLY'S AND STAYING THERE ALL DAY.

MORE 'JENNET' NEWS COMING SOON! 

RADIO BUTTY

___________________________________ 

 What I really miss are those small bags of salt that you used to get with Tayto.I wonder if you looked could you get some on e-bay.

BUTTY'S HIT PICK-I spit on your gravel by the Mindbenders

___________________________________

BUTTY'S BUKES-this week's pick DEATH TOOK THE BISCUIT: this is a great read with all sorts of things happening and then in the end when DEATH takes the goldgrain!Oh boys!

Next week's CRIME CORNER-DEATH WEARS THE TROUSERS.And so it does-check ones with a belt.'A fab read'-John Boleyn,'especially for brainy boys like me.'Up next on BUTTY'S BUKES,The Shitehawk Conundrum-review next week.

There is no doubt about it-The Flatlake festival has got off to a special start.With Capt Butty at the helm there can only be lots of fun times ahead.I will tell you this-there aren't too many festivals in Ireland where you can see T.S. Eliot reading from his great work J Alfred Prufrock on the back of a Massey Ferguson tractor or Baudelaire(Fleurs Du Mal,My Girlfriend Breege)signing autographs in a cow byre.Which would be a fab first both for Buttkins and Company as well as Kevin Allen's trailblazing litfest if the two authors weren't in fact dead,which,sadly,I have just found out they are.

Has anyone ever heard Miss O Leary's Irish Fruit Cake by Ruby Murray?Great tune.Butty's Slipped Discs gives it a cracking 9 and a half out of 1O.Excellent,Ruby.Another good one:The Shifting Whispering Sands by Eamonn Andrews(talkie-style number.)

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We here at Buttika Inc. are mighty fond of old showband literary gems and just discovered at the bottom of a box in Hughie's drapers Fivemiletown is The Bandits Showband's 1966 recording of  Conrad's The Secret Agent,a lost classic and well worth checking out,if only for Bernie Mc Cooey's interpretation of 'Requiem For Verloc',pure genius.Also worth checking out is Gene and The Gents' collaboration with Louis Mc Neice:It Looks Like Snow.A kind of impressionistic tone-poem with a tuba.

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Did you ever hear of The Freshmens' Peace On Earth Album with Michael Mc Liammoir reciting big poems on it?What in under God -sheeesh!I'm getting out of here!And then God created woman!Oh boys-out at around the same time was The Plattermen-Ole Devil Wine,has anyone got a copy.We here at Radio Butty love Billy Browne the lead singer with The Freshmen.Another fellow we are fond of is Joe Meek.But why did he have to shoot his landlady?Stop it Joe.   

Keep your eye on this space. Radio Butty will be returning in a while with its own web space!